U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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