I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
