Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
