Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize