no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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