Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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