All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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