This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
