Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
