Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
