Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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