If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
