...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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