Even the bartender felt bad for me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
