i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i came on her dog
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize