my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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