Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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