You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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