AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize