How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
