I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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