you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
