you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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