Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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