I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
