So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
