I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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