he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
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he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
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Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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