I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
