the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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