Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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