you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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