She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
