fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You can't motorboat a personality
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
