Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
