yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
