dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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