Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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