omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
