"it" just moved
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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