Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
