plz talk dirty to me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
