Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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