Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
