Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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