does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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