I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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