He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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