I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize