Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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