Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
