She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
