he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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