well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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