Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
