She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
