i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
