just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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