dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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