So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
