I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
