I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The adults are the big ones right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
