Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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