1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
