thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I checked into jail on foursquare
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
