You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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