You made me cry and you don't even care
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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