I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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