I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
