running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
