Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
