Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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