Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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