I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap