i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
