It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.