Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
