I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
