I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
